Oh my Lord! Where are You? Where am I? Yet, I yearn to be Your humble servant. I know, becoming Your slave seems impossible! But within me resides a tiny drop of hope, a drop that submerges in an overwhelming ocean of separation. And in that state, my soul trembles with fear!
Jiva Goswami
Purport: You may wonder, why does the soul shiver in fear? The soul quivers due to the apprehension of God’s unwillingness to accept it. How can the all-merciful God not accept a servant who experiences profound separation from Him?
A pure devotee, however, contemplates, “Why would God ever accept me? Mere feelings of separation do not render me worthy of His acceptance.” Advanced devotees always perceive themselves as sinful and wretched.
This fear is a spiritual fear, born out of a profound sense of separation from God. Mundane fear breeds self-absorption, while spiritual fear invokes deep remembrance of God’s form, qualities, and pastimes.
Now, let’s understand how a drop of hope sinks in an ocean of separation.
When the hope of attaining God remains unfulfilled, it intensifies the feelings of separation. These emotions surge, creating an insurmountable ocean of separation that engulfs even that tiny drop of hope, leaving the devotee seemingly hopeless.
One might fear that hopelessness would lead to depression and a loss of enthusiasm to serve God. However, paradoxically, this hopelessness actually inspires profound sentiments of God’s causeless mercy.
Through daily darshan, partaking in prasadam, receiving realizations, and associating with fellow devotees, these feelings keep the devotee’s enthusiasm alive.