A beautiful śloka from Alaṅkāra-kaustubha by Kavi Karṇapūra captures the inner mood of Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī after Kṛṣṇa has gone to Dvārakā:
durāpayaṁ kṛṣṇa-sahaja-taralaṁ
mānasam idaṁ sudurābham kāmākrāntam…
Kṛṣṇa is extremely difficult to attain. And our mind? Naturally restless, unstable, and overwhelmed by desires.
This is the real battle of Kṛṣṇa consciousness.
Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī is the topmost devotee. If we want to learn Kṛṣṇa consciousness, Caitanya Mahāprabhu teaches us to follow Her mood—not imitate Her.
Her mood reveals a profound paradox.
Kṛṣṇa is difficult to attain.
But I desperately want Kṛṣṇa.
And that gap creates pain.
We have the desire to attain Krsna, but our mind does not cooperate. It is filled with kāma, krodha, lobha, moha and countless desires. Even the instructions of guru can sometimes feel difficult to accept.
So the question is not simply, “Can I attain Kṛṣṇa?”
The deeper question is:
“Do I actually have the intense desire to attain Him?”
This longing is called utkaṇṭhā.
And here is the astonishing point:
The pain itself becomes the purifier.
That pain burns away sins.
It destroys anarthas.
It dissolves unwanted attachments.
It purifies the heart.
Like acid dissolving dirt, the pain of longing for Kṛṣṇa dissolves everything that keeps us away from Him.
Therefore, the Gauḍīya Vaiṣṇava has two things in the heart:
Faith that Kṛṣṇa can be attained—and pain that I have not yet attained Him.
Outwardly, we chant, serve, preach and remain joyful.
But inwardly, there is a continuous cry for Kṛṣṇa.
That hidden pain is not a weakness.
It is the fire that purifies the heart.
And when the heart is purified, that very pain leads to parama-śānti—the highest peace.
The strange secret of bhakti is this:
the pain of not having Kṛṣṇa can become the very force that takes us to Kṛṣṇa.